I grew up singing the song Amazing Grace. I think it’s safe to say it’s that stereotypical Christian song that even non-believers know well. But never once did I truly interpret what it means to be saved by amazing grace. Too often in the past Satan would guilt trip me and point out all my flaws to me so that I was so fixated by that guilt that I did not direct my eyes toward Jesus.
Jesus is King. He is our Savior so we don’t need to be afraid to come to Him with our shortcomings and realize that He already paid the price on the cross. Instead of running away from Him toward the world covered in shame, we can confess our sins to Him. This great love of His will wash away all the shame, hurt, and bitterness that we hide in our hearts. I was blind but now I (sort of) see.
I want to be able to see people through His eyes. To love on them so that His love will be reflected from me. We focus so much on our spiritual condition that we forget about Him. JESUS. I was numb for the longest time (I still fall into that feeling of numbness sometimes) and it was because I didn’t want to go to Him, didn’t think that He could be the answer to all my questions. I wanted to push away the hurt, push HIM away and bask in the numbness. It sounds dumb right? Because it is and also it felt like the safe route. In reality, apathy is the most dangerous state of mind and didn’t get me anywhere until I was called to open up a bit to those around me.
Lastly on the topic of love (segueing from the paragraph previously) I’m still working on loving myself. (it’s not what it sounds like, I can elaborate in person… love has been an important, daunting lesson that can’t be explained in a blog post)
Now is the time to open my heart to letting Him back into my life. I have trust issues, I’ll admit it. When I was asked to share my testimony awhile back I really didn’t want to. Honestly. It takes so much faith to allow someone, even someone as amazing as God to fully take control but it takes so much vulnerability in a state of weakness to open up to people you still don’t know well.
If you’re reading this, I encourage you to approach me when I put on the facade I have been living in for too long. Ask how I’m doing. I dare you. I may not be at the level to share completely openly but my blinders are coming off much more than before. In this last week of freshman year, let us walk with Him, see through His eyes, and live out His life together.