In this season, I’ve been humbled so many times… dare I say too many times? Well of course there’s no such thing to God as too many times if He simply wants me to learn and grow from my experiences.That way I can continually cling on to Him during those moments of uncertainty when I feel like no one else can relate. Guess what though? He sent His son to die for us undeserving sinners and that is more than enough.
Pride is a sin I have fought over and over. It’s a daily battle. There have been times when I’m like YES, I’m finally moving forward in humility but there have been moments recently when I feel like everyone else has their life together but me (yay finally being humbled even if the part of everyone else having their life together isn’t true). And moments later, I’m prideful again. And I ask God how does that even work? Something I learned is that comparison is the thief of all joy. So don’t compare yourself to others because everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Anyway, I hope the contradiction makes sense! Chew on it. (‘scuse my food puns, I promise I won’t sprinkle too many heh)
I won’t go into major details about the specifics because there’s not enough space to write about it (feel free to ask though!) but I tend to seek identity/affirmation from people around me, especially fam/friends/peers. I don’t even know why I do it. All I know is that it’s not right, especially when God has already created me in His image — His wonderful, beautiful, perfect image. When God says from heaven, “This is my beloved Son (well daughter in my case), in whom I am well pleased”, He doesn’t say it half-heartedly. God truly means that He is well pleased that we acknowledge Him as Father. That we even care about our identity in Him, instead of everything else around us that’s bogging us down.
I was having a conversation with a sister last night over pie (PSA: go try pie bar in cap hill if you haven’t already) and she reminded me how God formed our heart and He knew us before we knew Him. He chose us. We are like princesses and princes in His kingdom, and we don’t need this world to tell us who we can or can’t be. Because if we are secure and confident in Him, what if all we had was Jesus? Is that enough? It’s Jesus who plans our steps, even when man tries to plan his course.
Some personal food for thought in the past month has been why is it that I still try to run away (be it physically — I’ve been running more; psychologically — shutting people out and pretending everything’s fine; or mentally — TV, food, etc.) at certain points when I know He’s right there? Thankfully, I have been listening to the small, still voice inside of me to be more careful lately instead of recklessly making the same mistakes over and over again. In the past, I would be more likely to say no. But these days I know with God there’s always so much more He can do with us. Even if we are men of little faith. So instead it’s been “Okay God, humble me. Now take me where you want me to go.”
Today was one of those days where for no reason before class started I was so frustrated and mentally exhausted. Tbh I wanted to scream and run away in frustration. Of course with 2 minutes before class was about to start, there was nowhere to go but Jesus. And for me that was a blessing. He gently reminded me to enter into His rest. After all, everyone who calls upon His name will have an answer in His time. And if learning to go to Him for every little thing, through the highs and lows is what it takes to humble me, Jesus I am all yours.